Four Enemies
Posted on | October 19, 2013 | Comments Off on Four Enemies
The good marriages imply a permanent one to give and to receive. When the pair feels like part of the same equipment sees, like something normal, working together by the good of its relation. The fundamental cause of unfortunate relations, the problem is not the conflicts, but how handled we them. To unload the wrath, constructively, can make really wonders to clarify the things and to again obtain the balance in the relation. Nevertheless, the conflicts get to be a problem when they are characterized by the presence of four attitudes that is to say: the critic, the scorn, the defense, and the confinement.
1. Critic the critic implies attacking the personality or character of your pair, instead of enfocarte in the specific conduct that bothers to you. He is healthful to ventilate the discords, but he is not it to attack the personality nor the character of your spouse in the process. It is the difference between saying: ” I am annoying because you did not remove basura” and to say, ” I cannot think that you did not remove the sweepings. You are so irresponsable”. Generally, the women tend to more often use this attitude in the conflicts. 2. Scorn the scorn is a step that goes beyond the critic and implies demolishing or to insult to your pair.
The scorn is abierto sign of the respect absence. Examples of the scorn include: burlarte of your pair, to put the eyes in target (to watch another side), to take scorn face, or to demolish to the other with sarcastic humor. 3. Defense To be on the defense, in the middle of a conflict, can be a natural answer, but nonaid in the relation. When you are on the defense, usually, you undergo much tension and that makes difficult that you focus to you in which has been said. You react, for example, denying responsibilities, inventing excuses, or responding one complain with another one. 4. Confinement You use this attitude when, simply, you refuse to respond. Merit to us of this tactics, from time to time, it can be healthful; but, like a typical way to interact, it gets to be destructive for any relation. To lock in themselves, to fall back, are a signal of escape in the marriage, instead of to want to solve the problems. The men tend to use tactics to lock in itself much more frequently that the women. All the pairs will use these types of conduct in some occasion in their marriage. , When one of these attitudes resides, now permanent, the relation goes way to the failure. There are pairs in which, each one of the members, they do hers one of these four attitudes. Then the combinations occur, for example: defensive critic, scorn confinement, etc., following if the personalities that interact are opposed. When the personalities are similar they can give the combinations: critical critic, confinement confinement, etc. The presence of the four attitudes can be given like different stages in the relation from the pair. The tragic thing occurs when one in the pair tries to repair the damage done by these attitudes, and the other receives to him with rejection, repeatedly. In this case the possibility that the relation finishes in divorce is very great. But, of course that yes are routes of overcoming in the conflicts without needing resorting to these four attitudes.
